I’ve heard plenty about pregnant women being overly emotional, and that sensitivity carrying on into motherhood. I know plenty about depression and mood disorders. I also know that I’m a pretty empathetic person. But I don’t think what I’m experiencing is any of that. Obviously I don’t expect to be pregnant, it’s been so long I never really expect that anymore. Hope, a little; but expect, not a chance. And while I know I’ve been struggling with bouts of minor depression lately I can’t really match that with what has been happening lately.
Just everything makes me cry at the moment. My husband and I went to see Big Hero 6 at the movies the other day (and then the Hobbit) and it had a short film before it called Feast, about the life of this puppy. And it was a really sweet short film, but it wasn’t really sad. Yet by half way through I had tears streaming down my face and hubby looking quite worried. He asked me, ‘is it sad,’ and I had to shake my head because it wasn’t really. If anything it was largely a happy story; but something still managed to tug my heart strings in a way usually reserved for death scenes or proper tragedy in fiction. Like the beginning of the movie Big Hero 6 (which I won’t give away) which made me start crying all over again!
I don’t know what to think. And I don’t know what to do with myself. This over sensitivity and propensity to cry at the drop of a hat is making me fear interactions that actually do hurt a lot. I don’t like to cry in front of people, probably my husband is the only person I will freely cry in front of. I suppose there’s an aspect of feeling weak and vulnerable to that, but probably more so, I get scared that if I cry in front of others they’ll reject me and my feelings instead of caring.
Mostly, though, I just wish I knew why. Why am I feeling and reacting like this? How can I get to a place where I don’t need to feel like this anymore? What do you do when everything seems to make you cry?